Broken but not Abandoned
Confused, upset, motionless, fearful, optimistic, yet excited. I laid on the table in the operating room anxiously awaiting the first cut. My husband sat to my left, wiping away every tear that aimlessly fell from my eyes. This was the most perplexing situation for us as we thought we had more time. Two weeks before our induction date to be exact but our baby had other plans. An emergency c-section was the new plan.
My heart raced as they said, "Three minutes until the baby is out!". More tears fell as I surrendered every doubt to the Lord. My husband stands up, takes a picture, and then someone shouts, "What is the gender?". "It's a boy!", my husband nervously exclaims. Alfred sat and looked lovingly into my tearful eyes. We held one another closely through our gaze and emotion.
On April 10th, 2024, Jonah Lee Gover was born at 4:01 PM, weighing 4 lbs. 3 ounces, and 16 inches long. On that day, our lives were forever changed by our sweet nugget. Time flew by yet stood still over the next four days. There was no rest. Pumping, crying, family visiting, specialists in and out of our room, our hearts were full yet empty. As congratulatory texts were rolling in, I couldn't help but feel sadness. As my baby wasn't lying next to me, he was in the neonatal intensive care unit. The concerns grew, and questions were asked. I continued to play back every scenario, every appointment, every ultrasound, every conversation. I continued to ask myself... Why are they so concerned about my baby's head size? Starring at the MRI of Jonah's head on Friday, it all made sense. I thought I was strong, but all I could do was cry. Painfully... The diagnosis of cerebral palsy was uttered as we looked at his small brain on the screen.
We are broken but not abandoned. Our hearts ache thinking about the future, but we will take it one step at a time. Our family and friends have been the most encouraging. Filling us with prayers, hugs, kisses, sweet notes, calls, and text messages. Without you all, this would be immeasurably more challenging. We look forward to the day when we can bring Jonah home. Hearing him cry in the middle of the night, changing poopy diapers, feeling sleep deprived due to late-night feeds. All the normal stuff. Until then, grow in strength and love, our sweet boy!
"As you go, step by step I will open up the way before you" Proverbs 4:12.
Thank you for reading!